RAMBEL!

Hey, How are you all today? Its is Thursday 20th of August and the time is 2:43pm. I got up to feed the chicken as i am i looking after it for a friend. They have some plum trees so i took some from the tree, they said i could by the way. The weather is gloomy with a bit of sun. Today i feel very tired and lonley, i cleaned out my guinea pig Clive and i have watch all the youtube videos and programs i could find. 

But last night my brain flipped a switch and i am now laying around again feeling sad for myself, i have to go to the doctors soon cause i just cant control my mood on my own so people like me have to rely on pills but i have to wait for my mum to come back because last time i went on my own they didn't understand me and didn't help at all. I don't know if you know but i have PCOS and it basically plays hell on my period meaning i don't get them very often and because of fluctuating hormones my mood is up and down so if i get on the pill or something like that it could help me. There is also a chance i wont be able to have children which thinking about it kills me inside. 

But the reason why i need to get that sorted now is because i have been offered a job at a shop when there is a position available. And i have only been able to work for two months then i have some sort of mental breakdown and quit my job because i don't think i can handle it. But i don't want to quit this one, so i have to do everything i can before it all happens again. The only time that i want to quit is when i make it my career on YouTube and blogging, then i will quit properly.  

These are the things i keep telling myself for when i get a job   

•  I can buy outfits for OOTD

•  I can buy the latest makeup and do reviews 
•  Movie reviews 
•  Buy a new camera
•  Interesting daily vlogs

I have been doing YouTube for 2 and half year now on and off so i want to make something of it. I always imagine what it would be like to be your own boss and do when ever you want. maybe this year or next year will be better. X